Hal·low·een (noun): see Good Times

Hark, faithful readers! Ghouls and ghosts, and long absent LC members are beginning to emerge from their darkened hiding places (you know who you are), which can mean only one thing: Halloween festivities are nigh. Given such, I feel compelled to write a bunch of random nonsense regarding one of my favorite holidays.

I often make it known that if I had a billion dollars I would spend a comparatively small amount of the money building a super scary, full-size haunted house. Being that I have neither a billion dollars nor a house of my own, this is not possible. What I do have are approximately forty large boxes, a room full of spooky props, and an embarrassingly strong desire to create a haunted maze that is, with any luck, ten times cooler than that which we built last year. Designing and constructing it was loads of fun and a great way to express the twisted side of our ordinarily suppressed imaginations. If you also suffer from the suppression of a twisted imagination, perhaps helping The LC build this year’s monstrosity is just what the doctor ordered. Contact us for more details. And for the love of ham sandwiches, please show up on Halloween dressed in costume. Even if all you can scrape together is a tattered bed sheet cape and tinfoil for protective headgear, please try your best to partake in the spirit of the day.

The club also flirted with the idea of getting together to watch a classic thriller in the evening. If there aren’t too many people perhaps we can huddle in my little rented dwelling — which is a spooky place in its own right, due to messiness and poor craftsmanship. Caulk holds everything together (seriously). Show up if you dare. In fact, why not come early and clean it? That would be some great Halloween fun if you ask me. You can dust and sweep to the catchy beat of The Monster Mash and the theme music from The Blob, if you so desire. The idea seems ridiculous to me, but whatever entices you to come is fine by me.

If you do come, don’t be expecting some cutesy costume drama. Don’t be too hopeful for blood and gore either — that’s just distasteful, and frankly not my style. Your choices will consist of my own personal favorites: 1)”Rosemary’s Baby” (creepy), “Halloween” (so-so creepy), or “Alien(s)” (for wusses who jump at loud, sudden noises — like me). Or perhaps Ed Wood’s “Plan 9 From Outer Space” (maybe the unintentionally creepiest of them all). No, the latter choice is just too nauseating to bear. I’m scratching it from the list of options. Feel free to bring your own favorites, though be prepared to have me consider vetoing them. It’s my house, after all, so you’ll just have to deal with it or go home. Got it? Good.

Ah, home. I want to go home. What place on Earth compares to that which stinks like my housemate’s soy and freshly beaded caulk in the morning? Oh how I miss thee. While I go sulk about how much I miss home and my comfy bed a little more, consider helping us out with the maze this year, or at least joining in on the party that evening.

Till next time…

Cheers.

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